Some years ago I read a list of church bulletin "bloopers". Haven't seen such a list in a long time but recently I received the following list of church bloopers as an email. I really enjoyed this list and thought you might as well.
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you
Don't let worry kill you off - le t the Church help,
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation,
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'
The author of this list seems to credit the bloopers to the typewriter but I've seen this sort of thing happen in the age of computers as well. Hope you got a chuckle as I did. Have a wonderful Valentine's weekend. ♥Sharon♥
10 comments:
I had read these before and I still laughed reading them again. Gosh, my church bulletin is so dull!
Roberta Anne
I had read most of these before...but must remember them all. You know I do the bulletin for our church....might just have to put a little humor in at times!
You're right! I tried to get our pastor to have some of these put in our bulletin but didn't get anywhere with it! We have a few bloopers from time to time but nothing as good as these! I'm sure you don't have such! You are too thorough and careful for that.
S.
Gm Sharon, I haven't seen these before and I got a laugh out of reading them.
Hugs,
Chris
Sharon, thanks so much for checking in on me and my blog. You're so right about children (do they ever grow up?). Anyway...even though I haven't commented on anyone's blog lately, I have been keeping up with everyone. I love the pictures of the MH...tried not to laugh about the mirrors! Every one we've looked at has them! Makes them appear larger, maybe? (Who thought of that? Men?) Have you thought about etching them? That would cut down on the glare some.
Debbie
Oh my word girl..that was hilarious...loved the one where the ladies of the church had cast off clothing & could be seen in the basement! lol lol Funny how one little letter or word can change a whole view of something! lol Hope you are having a great week!
I am laughing so hard that I have tears rolling down my face and my tummy hurts from laughing. That is the funnies things I have read in a LONG time. Good thing the family is outside in the barn, they would probably know for sure then, that I am truly losing it!
As for my header....I do it all in microsoft picture it. I look for a real wallpaper sample I like and then work from there. I LOVE making backgrounds and headers and would make one for you, if you like! Send me an email and we can coordinate!
~Jill
These sorts of bloopers are always so fun to read. Thanks for giving me a laugh today!
Hi Sharon, if you get a chance, drop by my place, I have an award for you.
Hugs,
Chris
LOL.. love them. A few I had not read before.
Thank you for the chuckle and for your prayers.
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